there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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