somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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