Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
