no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
