i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
