So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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