So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
