Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
