You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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