FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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