Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
