Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
