just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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