You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
