On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
