And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
