Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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