Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
