i already hear my dad disowning me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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