I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
