Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
