I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
