best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
