I wanna passion pit in your ass
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
