i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
