I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
