You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
