I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
