I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hippo gnu deer
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
