i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
