I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
