Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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