You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
