Whod you bang
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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