News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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