I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
