I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
