so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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