I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
