Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
