I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
