we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
