Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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