dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
