hotel room ftw
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
