I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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