Where is the hickey?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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