I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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