i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
