Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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