i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
