i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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