I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
