Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
