a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
