i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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