so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
