Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
