Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
