I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
