Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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