just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
