so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
