I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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