ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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