I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
