You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
