I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
