so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
